Are Your Fantasies Overrated? Here’s All You Want to Know about Sex

What is sex?

Watching porn, reading steamy romance novels in the bathtub, or even checking out how to make someone squirt might turn you on. But they don’t come close to the feelings, good or bad, that accompany sex. 

The notion of what constitutes sex differs from person to person. For some folks, masturbation counts as sex. Others feel sex should involve some penetration. If you’re in either camp, we feel you. 

We’ve gathered the best descriptions of sex that’ll please anyone, from the curious-minded to the strictly religious. Let’s dive in. 

What Is Sex?

Modern dictionaries base their primary definitions of sex on penis-vagina (p-in-v) penetration. In this context, for sex to occur, there must be a male and a female human involved. 

However, this definition creates uncertainty around the subject matter. People can engage in various intimate activities with their bodies without necessarily ushering in a cock and a coochie into the mix. 

Thankfully, dictionaries provide another, usually secondary, answer to the question, “What is sex?” Here, sex assumes the form of penetration through the anus or mouth. 

We know you’ve heard these definitions at least a thousand times elsewhere. Whether you grew up in a religious household or not, most sex education you received at a younger age acknowledged p-in-v as the only valid form of sex. 

And now, having heard about or maybe given or received blowjobs, you wonder if perhaps your educators missed a line in their script. Well, they didn’t. So how does LBN perceive sex? 

Sex is a process whereby the body worships itself. During this activity, organs service one another, deriving pleasure from their actions. 

While downing psychedelic drinks or consuming an extremely high dose of caffeine (which is unadvisable, by the way) can move your body to blissful peaks, sex is the only thing that produces that effect on the body without the help of another external substance. 

When you’re aroused and act on your arousal to stimulate any part of your body until it’s satisfied, you’re having sex. 

Types of Sex

Onanism

Yes, onanism is just a fancy formal word for “masturbation.” We put this first because everyone needs one dose of self-sex in their lifetime. For most people, masturbation is often their first point of contact with sex. 

During masturbation, you touch private and sensitive areas, usually to chase that “oh-it-feels-so-good” feeling. These regions include the pelvis, butt, penis, vagina, breasts, and anal areas. 

It’s completely normal to experience an urge to masturbate even when in a non-celibate relationship or partnership. Your desire for personal sex may not be as high when you’re actively seeing someone as it was when you’re single, though. 

According to one survey conducted in the US in 2016, couples masturbate an average of 10 times per month, compared to singles who do their thing 16 freaking times. 

Whether you have a boyfriend or girlfriend or are waltzing through life enjoying every moment of it being unattached, masturbation brings you closer to your body and helps you learn new things about it. These lessons may be put on the back burner during other forms of sex. 

This may be why 95% of men touch themselves for pleasure, while 81% of the womenfolk indulge in masturbation. 

Side Effects 

Masturbation hasn’t shown many side effects on physical or mental health. In rare cases, frequent masturbation involving inserting toys or other penetrative objects into the vagina may break the hymen. 

How Often Should You Masturbate?

Do you remember those open-ended questions in Humanities that had no “right or wrong” answers? This is one of them. 

Those who’ve indulged in the act believe that one can masturbate every day, as often as they desire. While it is true, please remember that masturbating takes time. 

As long as some sort of sex remote does not control you, you’ll spend time getting aroused. You might take even more time chasing a climax, especially if you’ve not figured out what points in your body excite you the most. 

The temptation to masturbate for hours is stronger when you’re younger and have fewer responsibilities. Although no number of times per day’s universally regarded as “too long” or “too short,” you should balance masturbation and other activities to live a healthy, satisfying life. 

As Michael* puts it, “There were many other things I wish I did and spent time with instead of masturbating so much. There were many things I missed out on because I wasted it with excessive masturbation.”

Oral Sex 

Also called a blowjob, oral sex is the penetration of a person’s mouth by their partner’s penis or vagina. The receiving partner usually gets down on their knees, while the penetrating one may stand or sit, depending on their preferences. 

Not everyone loves oral sex. Some don’t enjoy the feeling of a thick, pulsating lollipop in their mouths or favor the twirling of a tongue around their vulvas. If your partner appears uninterested in or relatively disgusted by oral sex, please don’t force them to give or accept head. 

Tips for Oral Sex

Be Aware of Your Partner’s Body

It’s not just a piece of meat. This is two human beings sharing touching pleasure. Go for awareness and presence, be very aware of the other person, all the fine movements of their body, the sounds they make, their breathing, and all that. 

Source: Anna*

Generous Criticism

Your partner must be willing to give constructive criticism about when things feel good or don’t. You also have to be willing to accept that criticism without getting defensive. Being good at oral sex really is as much about you enjoying it as it is about them enjoying it. Both are giving and receiving.

Source: Louis*

Use Your Hands

The inner thighs are full of nerves and are incredibly sensitive. Don’t just hold your partner or something. Do massages and explore their body. Keep your hands moving. 

No Teeth, Thank You

Teeth scratch and hurt. The main part of the feeling a guy gets from a BJ is in the top couple of inches from the penis head down, so focus your actions there. Keep his penis well lubricated; saliva will do. 

Source: Dave*

Discover

Find out how your partner wants you to participate in the act. There’s no universal answer. Some women like the guy to let them do the work while he sits still, while others appreciate it when he can assist by thrusting deeper into their mouths. 

In other cases, the partners’ preferences fall on the middle ground, with a mix of active and passive participation. While one person may give anything to swallow arousal fluid, the other may rather spit. 

Pep Talk

You see the most private part of someone’s body, so you have nothing to lose if you tell them how you’ll handle it. 

Before going down on your loved one, let them know you are going to spit or swallow, or if you are even going to have them cum in your mouth. If you don’t want cum in your mouth, ensure they understand that they should alert you when they realize that cumming is inevitable. 

Worry Less

Don’t worry about giving the perfect BJ. The perfect is the enemy of the good. Guys love BJs, and he will appreciate even the attempt at giving him one. 

Source: Dave*

Anal Sex

Anal sex involves inserting a penis or sex toy into the anus, which is the opening at the end of the rectum. This sex position also stimulates the prostate gland, sited under the bladder and in front of the rectum. 

Ladies and vulva-owners enjoy anal sex because the clitoris, which extends into the abdomen, wraps around behind the vagina. As a result, anal sex provides a wonderful angle for the penetrating partner to stimulate their receiving partners’ clit directly. 

During anal sex, use adequate lubrication to reduce friction and make the experience more comfortable. 

Thanks to the risk of infections associated with anal and how potentially dirty the anus usually is, most sexually active persons reserve it for committed relationships.  

Ready to give this a go? Read more about anal sex here. 

Vaginal Sex

The first time someone spoke to you about sex, they were most likely referring to the insertion of a penis into a vagina. 

And so, for a very long time, you may have thought vaginal sex was the highest source of sexual satisfaction and the only way to lose one’s virginity. 

Virginity and related issues aside, having vaginal sex if you’re not ready to have a baby calls for contraceptive measures.  

Some conditions exempt participants from needing contraceptives during vaginal sex like sterility and menopause. 

But if you’re fertile and your periods haven’t stopped knocking, please exercise caution when sexually dealing with persons assigned male at birth. Any depth of penetration of the vagina by a biological penis poses a risk of pregnancy. 

In addition, vaginal sex isn’t all roses. Sometimes, your vagina may hurt after sex. Other times, you might wonder why your stomach hurts after vaginal sex. 

Generally, mild discomfort following sex is normal, but recurrent pain may stem from medical issues. As you go about your sex life, consider holding on to this quote: 

Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions.

Deepak Chopra